Sunday, November 23, 2008
calm
As of late the alarm has been living in dread of me. The offending clock has been cursed, and beaten mercilessly every morning for the past few months. His backup the cellphone had been subjected to numerous tortures for positioning herself on the other side of the room, forcing me to get out of bed to end her infernal warbling. She thought she was pretty smart by hiding in yesterday's socks. I don't think she realized how much potential energy she stored as I swung her around above my head. She kept smugly chirping away right up until the moment she impacted on the far wall. The evil little laugh I let out on seeing this, convinced the lights that it was in their best interests not to turn on.
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2 comments:
entertaining. and enjoyable. but gives me no clues as to your identity. sorry if i cannot focus on anything else on your site.
ok i'll try. i really like the overall aggressive, even 'ragey', feel of this. it's an interesting style with plenty of description. i can see it as the first paragraph to a chapter focused on character development.
keep in mind that i have no authority to offer criticism other than your asking for it. the only thing i can think of is perhaps it is a tad too wordy. i've read it so many times over that now it flows in my head but the first time it didn't so much. i'm not sure how to explain that since i enjoy your word choices. perhaps my confusion lies in your phrasing? honestly, i'm not sure. the problem may be more with me than with your writing.
why do you consider your alarm clock to be male and your cell phone to be female? aside from cell phones' amazing ability to multi-task.
I find it to wordy as well.
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